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“I’ve had a smear test every five years since I was thirty,” says Nathalie. “But about ten years ago, in 2013, between two smears it turned out I had cervical cancer.
Blood loss
I had been suffering from bleeding for some time, mainly after sex. I was 43 years old and had a Mirena IUD, but I didn’t know at the time that blood loss was a red flag. When the bleeding continued and became heavier, it wasn’t until six months later that I decided to go to the doctor. The GP saw “some lumpy tissue” and sent a swab to the hospital for examination. A week or two later she called me and told me that the result was Pap 3b and that I needed to go to the gynecologist for a colposcopy. This result means that the probability that the gynecologist will find a pre-stage of cervical cancer during the examination increases.
But since the gynecologist didn’t have room for another three and a half weeks, I kept thinking: “No emergency, nothing to worry about.” When she went to the gynecologist, she saw almost immediately that it was a tumor on her duckbill. She added: “I don’t see this often, but I expect you to be under the knife within three weeks.” A day later I received a call with the final results.
unbelief
I had cervical cancer, squamous cell carcinoma. I did not understand it! I lived a super healthy life, had no problems, did a lot of exercise and “I” had cancer? It was very surreal. I once had a bad feeling in my stomach when I lifted my knees during hockey practice, but you don’t associate that with cancer, do you?
As is my character, I was otherwise pretty sober. “My cervix needs to be removed and most likely my uterus too,” I thought. And sure enough, on July 2, 2013, the operation took place and both were removed. The doctors were confident, but during the operation it turned out that metastases had been found in two lymph nodes. The ovaries and fallopian tubes as well as other lymph nodes in my abdomen were also removed. The doctors saw it as positive, but to be on the safe side I had to undergo chemotherapy and radiation. Three weeks later, the weekly chemo days and the first of 27 radiation treatments began.
Hard process
As soon as you’re told you have cancer, the first thing you think is: How do I get rid of this? It felt like I was starting a project. “How are we supposed to wash the pig?” I thought. The chemotherapy and radiation were extremely difficult and I felt terribly sick and nauseous. I dragged myself through the days. The whole process felt logical and I wasn’t actually worried at all about the possibility that I might die, but after the umpteenth radiation treatment I realized that I was feeling so bad. I wanted to dance on the table again like I used to. After the treatments, I was able to resume my old life and my old energy as quickly as possible.
It was only much later that I realized that I had been very lucky. Almost 200 women die from metastatic cervical cancer every year and there are even young girls who are diagnosed with a fatal diagnosis after the first smear test. During the program “Over My Corpse” I burst into tears and at a meeting of fellow sufferers from the patient organization Olijf, where people can get support and information, I was confronted with enormous consequences. A young woman of 35 sat next to me. She had metastatic cervical cancer and had two young children. She sat there so strong and brave, but I was crying inside.
confrontation
I always sleep with my hands on my stomach, but after the operation it felt strange. Suddenly there was nothing anymore. Luckily, I never felt like I had lost my “femininity.” My wish to have children had already come true; I have three beautiful children, aged 8, 10 and 12 at the time, and of course you can’t really feel a uterus.
If I were to talk to a psychologist, I would encounter trauma, but fortunately I have not experienced the so-called “black hole” in which many cancer patients end up. Five years after the treatments, I actually developed lymphedema in my right leg. I am actually confronted with the fact that I have cancer every morning when I put on my support stocking. I have to deal with this edema for the rest of my life.
Luck
Despite this stupid lymphedema, I’m doing really well. I play tennis, walk, cycle and swim because I also have to move a lot. It’s a gift that I’m still alive! For me, cancer has nothing to do with winners or losers. It has something to do with luck. And that’s what we’re talking about. I discovered my cervical cancer early, which gave me the greatest chance of happiness and good treatment. And luck was on my side.”
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