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“It didn’t surprise me that the cancer was everywhere. Frank smoked and drank with passion for as long as I knew him. Or knew him because he is no longer there. He was headstrong. He had a pub in the city center” and that was his passion and his life. He continued to sit at the bar a few times a week well into his seventies, even though he had sold his café years ago.
When his legs started bothering him, Frank thought it would be more logical to get more rest than go to the doctor. “Everything will be okay,” he always said. Only when he could no longer get up himself did he want to call the doctor. He shook his head and two scans later it was clear the metastases were everywhere.
“Of course I miss Frank, but his death wasn’t a big blow. The deep sadness that I sometimes read about or that I see in those around me does not occur. My husband wasn’t even sick for long, but he was eleven years older. Apparently I always expected that I would spend the last part of my life alone.
Frank was often tired while I am very active. Over the last fifteen years I’ve been involved in all kinds of clubs and hobbies and these people still invite me to all kinds of things.
Not a black hole
“It remains a loss, we were together for over forty years, but this black hole? I can’t even think about it. My son is annoyed that I just carry on with my life.” “Do you really have to go to the vegetables?” “Garden tomorrow?” he asked recently.
I wasn’t aware of any harm, but it turns out that Frank went into the hospital exactly two years ago and never got out, and my son wanted to reminisce over coffee in town. Well, not like that.”
“I have my worries and I’m also looking forward. I’m not always grateful for that. But what should I do? Sit and sip all day? Actually, I am grateful for my rich life. Every day I see someone and in the evening… do a hobby or watch TV. I never get bored.”
age difference
“Maybe it helps that I still talk about Frank a lot with all the different people. I did that while he was still alive. He was important to me and it stays that way. But I think my own life is just as important and the years that still lie ahead of me. For the same money there are twenty more that I would like to experience as pleasantly as possible.
Frank had no interest in social affairs and sometimes sat in his reading chair for days. Getting this old doesn’t suit me. I never thought our age difference was a problem, but looking back, I think our different stages in life had a bigger impact on our relationship than I thought.
“In the last fifteen years we have all lived in our own world and found each other especially when we visited the children and grandchildren. By the way, that’s not a criticism, I actually liked how Frank and I were always able to give each other something.” different space. admit.
And now it helps me in my grief. The transition is not that big. My husband has been much less cooperative in recent years. My children especially feel the loss of their father. I think grief doesn’t have to have a value or a form. We all feel sadness and deal with it in different ways.”
Always unencumbered
“It sounds unkind to say, but so far it’s not that bad for me. All these years I never thought that something could happen to Frank, but apparently I expected it inside. Now that the time has come, I realize that I can wear it.
Frank is also to blame for this, as he made sure that everything was perfectly organized financially, administratively and even during his cremation. He always took care of me, it was his way of showing love. And I still feel this love today.
The names in this article are fictitious. Their real names are known to the editorial team.
Wanted: love lessons
For the “Love Lessons” section on RTL News Lifestyle we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hand in your own breasts. Were you the one with the fear of commitment in the end? Should you never have emigrated for love or has a patchwork family turned out to be an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can say it anonymously. Email to: [email protected].
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