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Marieke already experiences sexual restrictions during the treatment. This is partly because remnants of chemotherapy can remain in the body for some time, which means she has to be particularly careful during intimate life. “A nurse assured me that I could not pass the cell-killing substances to my children through saliva. At the same time, I wondered whether this also applies to vaginal fluid.”
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She discovers that she has to protect her husband during sex and that is why a condom is necessary. This also ensures that she does not become infected with viruses or bacteria and becomes ill. And this is particularly important because her immunity has deteriorated enormously due to the chemotherapy. The use of a rubber dam is also recommended during oral sex.
Dry vagina
In addition, Marieke goes through menopause due to the chemotherapy. “It was so intense. During chemo I didn’t really notice it because I was so sick. But after chemo it really stood out. I wanted to resume my life, but then it turned out that it wasn’t so easy sexually. Mentally I had a hard time, but I also suffered from a dry vagina and several vaginal infections. Then you won’t feel the need for sex.
“We didn’t have much sex this year,” says Marieke. Due to her young age, she has also gone through menopause. “Now I can get wet again and no longer have pain during sex.”
Impact on your self-image
Sexologist Marlies Meersman understands the questions women have about their sexuality while struggling with their illness. “The first shock begins with the diagnosis, which reduces the desire for sex. All treatments try to help you, but they also impact your sex life.”
“The operations have a major impact on self-image and self-confidence also diminishes,” Marlies continues. “Without confidence, you don’t feel like having sex and it’s harder to show off your body. With chemotherapy, it’s menopause. However, radiation treatment for pelvic cancer (including anal or cervical cancer) carries a risk of vaginal scarring and adhesions that make sex painful or more difficult for women. Each treatment has different side effects.”
Questions
“Many patients don’t have the courage or energy to figure it out,” says Marlies. Marieke also found it quite a task. “I had a lot of questions. Will it stay like this forever? What can I do? I noticed that it wasn’t so natural to talk to the care providers about it.”
“It also depends a lot on the type of cancer, although that shouldn’t be the case. Everyone should be informed about the effects of treatment on their sexuality. A menopause consultant I had consulted repeatedly insisted that I should not have any further problems or pain during intercourse. They, along with my doctor, took me seriously, but this still doesn’t happen enough.”
Book
Marieke and Marlies therefore decide to write a book in which Marieke shares her own experiences in the area of sexuality, but also allows fellow sufferers to have their say. They also explain what consequences cancer treatment can have and give tips and exercises for a positive approach to sex, both mentally and physically.
Marieke: “We want our readers to know that you don’t have to walk around with problems like this and you can go to the doctor.” We want to inform them and show them that sex can still be fun. That it’s okay to go through the grieving process because everything is really different, but it’s still possible.”
Quality versus quantity
Marlies: “Nowadays, cancer is no longer necessarily a disease that definitely leads to death. But there’s more to it than just staying alive; it’s also about quality. There is currently not enough attention paid to this in the area of sexuality.”
Marieke no longer has the same frequency of sex as she did before she had cancer. “I can’t do that anymore. Life is completely different now. Your body has been attacked and you will suffer for the rest of your life. For me it’s mostly fatigue and my libido has decreased. Although the sex is less frequent, I can’t complain about the quality.”
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