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She can set the clock, Kim sighs: “Every time I want a moment to myself – reading something or watching Netflix – my daughter starts whining and demanding attention. To be honest, I find this annoying. Why can’t she go?” “I’ll be alone for a while? How do I deal with this without getting angry?”
Annoyingly, children sense when parents want to do something for themselves and therefore don’t have time for them, agrees parenting coach Sophia van Splunteren: “You may notice that your child suddenly touches your arm when you are chatting with someone on the street .” Walking, pulling and whining. In this case, it is a signal that your child wants your attention. And your child will then ask for negative attention through whining and complaining, which is also attention.”
“At the same time, you don’t always have to react to it because you also need space and time for yourself. Remember that you can fill your child’s bucket with connection, connection and love. When this bucket is filled, your child can do that.” It’s much better if we want to get some space.
Real presence
Timing is everything, says Van Splunteren: “For example, if your child just comes home from school and you immediately jump into work or start talking on the phone, it’s not surprising that your child gets nervous. But if you have already had a very nice and pleasant day with a real presence in which you are also available to your child – and therefore not half paying attention while you are on the phone – then your child can often process this moment more easily for themselves. “
Children benefit from routines and habits, even when it comes to scheduling time for themselves, the parent coach advises: “If you do this regularly and clearly define this time – ‘Mommy will chill in the bathtub for half an hour'” – then your child will get used to it. But then you stand by your decision, even if your child doesn’t like it. And again, understand your child’s feelings rather than expecting them to grant you.”
“You have to take your time and also set your own boundaries because no one else will do that for you. And it’s not your child’s job to give you these moments of peace, that’s up to you.”
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