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Roland (33): “Since I met my girlfriend Claudia just four months ago, we have always had sex without a condom. The first time we were in bed together, she grabbed a condom from her nightstand and I tried to put it on, but it didn’t work. To be honest, I’ve always had a problem with that.”
“I asked Claudia if she wasn’t on the pill. She replied somewhat indignantly: Yes, but there are also such things as sexually transmitted diseases. I told her that she really shouldn’t be afraid of it with me because I completely tested myself when I started dating my previous girlfriend. This relationship lasted two years and I had only been dating for six months when I met Claudia.
I also said that since my last relationship, I have always had safe sex with the few women I have been with. None of this was entirely true. I did get tested once, but that was more than six years ago. Since that test, I have had unsafe sex with at least eight women. But because I really wanted to sleep with Claudia at that moment, I twisted the truth a little.”
“I really hate condoms. Aside from the fact that it’s always a hassle for me to put on a condom and my penis often becomes flaccid, sex just doesn’t feel comfortable. I feel a lot less of it than when I don’t wear a condom. Of course I am aware of the dangers that come with unprotected sex. But I’ll take that risk.
When I was in my mid-twenties, I had a pretty wild time when it came to women. I went out a lot and my main goal was to sleep with as many women as possible. During this time, I also regularly had unsafe sex. It was often one-night stands that ended up drunk in bed. I only used a condom when the girl brought it up herself. And even then, I reluctantly put it on. That’s why I think it’s a miracle that I never had a sexually transmitted disease. At least none that I noticed.”
“When I got a girlfriend at the end of this promiscuous phase, even though she had an IUD, she wouldn’t have sex with me without a condom. She wanted us both to get tested. I thought it was very sensible of her and even saw some romance in it. We then made an appointment together at the hospital and were tested for all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases. That was a very unpleasant experience.
At the start of the test I had to lie on a bench with my pants down. Then a doctor and his assistant leaned over me and a swab was taken from my urethra using a kind of wooden stick. It was such a horrible feeling that I could still feel it when I urinated two weeks later. When I think about it, shivers run down my spine again. I also felt like my penis was shrinking half while I was lying there on the bench because I found it such an uncomfortable situation. At that moment I thought: I’ll never do that again.
I then had a mandatory meeting with a social worker at the hospital. I asked him if what a friend had told me was correct. Namely, that men are much less likely to contract HIV than women. When he told me that the ‘receiving party’ was actually at greater risk, it was a relief to me.”
“Since this conversation, I no longer worry about HIV infection. For a heterosexual man, the risk of this is very low. Especially if you don’t have anal sex with women, reducing the risk of penis injuries. Finally, I had my blood taken, which I had no problems with at all compared to the smear test. About a week later, my then-girlfriend and I received the results, which showed that we were both completely healthy.
Luckily, my last ex wasn’t too picky about having sex without a condom. That’s probably because I told her I usually do it safely. I realize I’m being selfish and burying my head in the sand. But yes, at a moment like that, a kind of animal urge comes over me and I just want to penetrate a woman.
Claudia and I have been dating for four months now and are still deeply in love with each other. I hope it stays that way for a long time. At first it didn’t feel right that I was lying about my sexual history. Especially because I might be putting them in danger too. But we’ve done it without a condom so many times that there’s no point in going back to it. You should not wake sleeping dogs.
Editorial Flair January 16, 2024, 12:11 p.m
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