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31-year-old David Mulder had completed his psychological treatment and died in October as a result of euthanasia. It was a long and difficult process. His mother, Caroline Mulder, joined the KEA Foundation to tell her son’s story. The foundation aims to increase understanding, knowledge and the possibility of euthanasia for psychological reasons.
David has always found life difficult. As a four-year-old, he threw himself down the stairs twice. His parents then sought help from a child psychiatrist. He saw a very vulnerable and sad child. Tests showed he was highly gifted.
David received play therapy and a low dose of Prozac for his depression at age 7. “I then had to squeeze it into his pulp with a syringe in the morning. We felt that this medication supported him. “By the middle of elementary school, David was feeling better and was able to stop taking Prozac.”
At the end of elementary school, David became increasingly depressed. He was afraid of going to high school. He stopped eating and injured himself. He was given Prozac again. and psychological help. It didn’t help enough. “At the age of 15 he was so suicidal that he was forcibly institutionalized,” says his mother Caroline. “Also to relieve the burden on us as a family. Because we couldn’t take it anymore.” He then received housing assistance and began to live independently.
I tried everything
David has tried everything in the field of therapy in his life, including cognitive therapy and talk therapy. Dealing with depressive thoughts, mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, shock therapy and ketamine treatment. He also received medications such as lithium and MAO inhibitors.
He now had his girlfriend Mariël and he did everything for her. “David said: I don’t have to get better as long as it gets more bearable,” says Caroline. “Then I will live.” But all the therapies and medication didn’t help David.
Completely treated
Ultimately, his treatment was over and David wanted euthanasia. Unfortunately, at his request, his psychiatrist did not want to perform euthanasia on him. Then in December he decided to stop eating and drinking and die that way.
To his mother’s horror: “We feared death all year long, like a concrete block.” As a community nurse, Caroline was at the deathbeds of many dying people. “They were all old people who were already emaciated. They slipped away well. But for such a young man it takes weeks.”
But last summer it turned out that it was no longer possible. David was very depressed and was actually no longer able to socialize properly. It was very difficult for Mariel. They still went on vacation together, but he was just stressed out. And at home he was lying on the couch, unable to sleep and stiff with stress.
Mariël told him he didn’t have to wait until December. That made David relieved. He felt he had regained control and decided to stop living in September.
Still euthanasia
Since David wanted to show the process of humiliation and the problems of psychologically exhausted people, he contacted the Harlinger psychiatrist Menno Oosterhoff. Oosterhoff had indicated in advance that he could not carry out euthanasia because he was already very busy with it. But that wasn’t David’s goal.
Photo: Meranda Spanjer
After the conversation, Oosterhoff called and said he would still be happy to help David. “I freaked out. And then I realized that I had already given him a place where he would die.” On October 4th, David received the euthanasia he had longed for for so long, in the presence of his loved ones.
Space, peace and sadness
His mother looks back on the euthanasia process with a positive feeling. “I’m in the phase of relief that it happened like this. And is it honest that I feel better than before? I grieved all year. We did everything for the last time with David. Christmas was very intense last year, as was David’s last birthday. Now there is a lot of space and peace within me. And also sadness. I miss him, I cry a lot. But I still feel better than last year.”
Mission KEA Foundation
The KEA Foundation was founded last year thanks to the book “Let me go”, written by psychiatrist Kit Vanmechelen together with psychiatrist Menno Oosterhoff. The book also contains diary fragments from Esther Beukema, who suffered from severe psychological problems. After completing her treatment, she was eventually euthanized.
“People came to us after reading the book to tell their stories,” says Vanmechelen. “They have been rejected by the Euthanasia Expertise Center (EE) and don’t know what to do. Or they are relatives of loved ones who died by suicide or euthanasia.
“We asked ourselves what we could do for these people. For this reason, the KEA Foundation was founded and the website has been online since October 28th. The foundation wants to increase understanding, knowledge and the possibility of euthanasia for mental disorders.”
The foundation is not only aimed at people who suffer psychologically unbearable and hopeless suffering, or their survivors, but also informs doctors about the implementation of euthanasia. “We set up a doctor network through a group app for doctors who might want to help but don’t know how to start,” says Vanmechelen. “The app also includes experienced psychiatrists who already have experience with euthanasia and then say: Just call me.”
KEA is not a new EE
Vanmechelen emphasizes that the foundation does not carry out euthanasia. “We don’t want to become a new EE. Then we have 300 people on the waiting list in a very short time. For example, we can provide these people who register with information via a buddy system.
The volunteers affiliated with the foundation are almost exclusively people who have lost someone through suicide or euthanasia. According to Vanmechelen, they have a mission. “The relatives want their loved one to be the last to die by suicide. And those relatives who have lost someone through euthanasia say: That was good. But what a struggle it was to get this far.”
“They also received the order or message from their deceased relative: Tell my story so that it doesn’t get lost.” It would be nice if society better understood euthanasia for psychological suffering,” says Vanmechelen. “That people after them will have to fight for less time to get this far.”
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