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The effects of divorce on children are varied. Many of them feel confused and guilty. For each of them it is an important milestone in life, full of unknowns and uncertainty.
If the parents manage to function, to come to an agreement, to cooperate even after the divorce, the children will cope with everything much better than if the parents are full of mutual anger, do things on purpose and cannot agree on anything.
Children need to feel that their parents are there for them and not against each other.
Join us as we look at what children want most after their parents’ divorce.
1. So that the parents can work together as well as possible
They want their parents to be able to be together without arguing or otherwise showing their pain and frustration.
They also want to go to school together, sit together at school and extracurricular events, cheer them on from the same stands, pose for photos with them, and celebrate their successes together.
Ruthless tactics of former partners during divorce
“One of my eighteen-year-old clients told me that the most stressful time for him was always when he had a concert with the school orchestra. He knew both parents would come to the event, but they hate each other. They compete for his attention by trying to sit as close to the stage as possible but also as far away from each other as possible. Therefore, he never knew where to look when he needed support. Before every concert he had stomach pains and nausea, and he wanted it to be over. Besides, he didn’t know who to turn to first. “He felt responsible for how each of them would feel,” explains trainer Ann Papayoti, using an example from her practice.
2. So that parents can communicate respectfully with each other
When children desire something, their parents must manage their emotions and behave responsibly. Stop arguing and criticizing each other in front of them.
The absolute worst thing is when one of the parents starts resenting the child against the other. “This is how parents show the worst side of nature. They often do this out of a desire to possess the child at any cost, even at his expense. They use it as a weapon to hurt their ex-partner. At the same time, everything happens under the pretext of feigning love for him,” warns psychologist Alice Vondrová.
But the children don’t want any of it. Above all, they want to remain children and not be their weapon and solve their problems for them.
They expect parents to continue to be able to express their feelings appropriately while building relationships and contacts with others.
The point is that parents continue to be the best teachers and companions in their lives, on whom they have to lean in moments when they don’t feel like singing. And at the same time they want to share all their joys and successes with them.
The effects of divorce on children are often severe, and parents should be aware that the effects can last into adulthood and not just on their self-esteem.
3. So that parents work together on their upbringing
Children do not want their parents to stay together at all costs, especially if their marriage is based on an unhealthy and overly conflictual relationship. Her wish is to continue to be her parents’ first priority and to feel safe and loved even after the divorce.
But when parents do things on purpose and everyone has different demands on the children, their lives become very chaotic. Especially when each parent takes ownership of the fact that when the child is with him, he respects his rules, belittles the other’s rules and prohibits him from having contact with the other parent at that time.
Although the parents’ relationship with their ex is not good, it should not be confused with the fact that the children’s relationship with them will also change. Imposing rules is a road to hell that will ultimately negatively affect absolutely everyone.
4. For parents to take responsibility for their lives, learn and move on
Some parents end up in a so-called impasse after a divorce. They wallow in their pain and instead of taking steps toward a new and better future, they stay put.
At the same time, children really want to think about everything, learn a lesson and move on. However, it is necessary that parents are not afraid to talk about their problems and ask for help so that they can find stability in life again.
However, it should involve the help of another adult or expert. This burden should never remain on the shoulders of children.
Children want healthy, happy parents who can care for themselves and provide for them. You must realize that every problem is solvable and that life is not over if something goes wrong.
questionnaire
How are your relationships with your exes?
As much as possible
We respect each other, but sometimes things get tricky
Bad. We can’t get over certain things
None. We have no contact at all
A total of 3,275 readers voted.
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